Groupthink + Mental Health
How group-think can harm your mental health.
We live in a society. Duh! And in said society, we all must adhere to certain rules of decorum in order to function together. Society often asks us to value community, respect, and common thought. This is in the interest of social cohesion. However, in many ways, societal mores turn into groupthink and mob mentality in ways that can destroy the mental health of its members.
The Sociological Perspective
Sociologically, society is seen as an organism on its own that serves to preserve itself at all costs. Those who do not fit the mold are cast aside at best, or at worst, actively sought out and destroyed. It can be seen in any society: institutions, schools, companies, political parties, families, or friend groups.
Social structures seek to do whatever it takes to self-perpetuate. So, imagine what it does when an individual tries to preserve themselves over the structure. The mechanism of the group is often relentless in its pursuit to reestablish order and save itself. Our social groups often function like publicly traded companies. It’s simple, do what you must for profit. Add and discontinue products, hire or fire people. Get more consumer data, and refine algorithms to get to the ultimate goal of profit, i.e. company survival.
We see the problem clearly when it is a Silicon Valley executive who seems to be willing to stop at nothing (we are looking at you Mark 👀), no matter how corrosive the outcomes. We can see the damage clearly there, yet we don’t or refuse to see the same dynamics at play in many of the pillars of our communities. We don’t notice how we allow our beloved institutions to slice and dice us to pieces for their own ends. Yet, there is a need to look more critically at these spaces, and the reality of the true costs to our mental health when it is done in our own homes, workplace, schools, churches, and more.
Rethinking groups… think.
People, especially women and mothers, regularly sacrifice themselves and put themselves last for the sake of others - their children, family members, partners, friends, etc. As a result, we often feel as though seeking to protect and preserve ourselves is inherently selfish. However, the greatest service we can give to our loved ones is our sanity and an abundance of capacity. It’s the super old adage of putting your mask on first before helping others. You are of no assistance to those most important to you if you have a nervous or mental breakdown.
Unlike a Fortune 500 company, our lives or emotions can’t start over by filing for bankruptcy or being acquired in a merger. We have to go on living our lives that have been gutted and destroyed because of the groups we think we need so badly. We are not a corporation. The goal for every group of human beings should be each person’s physical and emotional health, even at the expense of the group’s ideology.
We are so willing to play soldiers in the army of our “systems”, that we become Hunger Games characters for the very institutions we created to serve us. We create social norms to keep us safe and give us order, but often it is these very same norms that rip us apart. The proverbial crab in a barrel scenario applies, or crab mentality. We are willing to destroy anything that threatens to expose the system to the unknown. Largely because crab mentality requires us to police and often abuse each other in order to maintain equilibrium. And, whoa be unto anyone who decides the status quo is no longer acceptable. Though these systems may have been necessary once upon a time, at this epoch in time, it is clear that these concepts are creating more harm than good for many groups. Think of your annual Thanksgiving “walk” to avoid or cope with your familial toxicity. Or that hard-driving boss requires overtime all the time. Or the coach that minorly sanctions hazing. The scenarios are endless, and so are their effects.
You only get one life.
The goal here isn’t to disrespect any existing culture or to establish the supremacy of one culture over another. Every culture, whether an ethnicity, a business, or a family, can benefit from a rethink. In each group setting, let’s ask ourselves, “How healthy is each individual? How much am I asking them to sacrifice for the group? Am I causing someone to drown in despair to put others at ease? Am I relinquishing my rights for the purpose of this …?”
It’s time to rethink our structures and retrace our steps as to why we needed them in the first place. At the very least, if we treat ourselves like a corporation, let it be a good one that seeks sustainable profit in the form of worker satisfaction and productivity. Miserable and broken people will never sustain any kind of structure that can create anything of value. Let’s start moving forward.
How to Move Forward
If you have come from a background where the collective was placed above the health of the individual, there are a lot of subconscious, unchallenged ways of viewing yourself and the world which affect you and likely cause you to make decisions that confuse you and may move you away from your goals. It may be useful to think about this way:
What happens to a dream deferred? Do you know that it often spoils?
If everyone has a spoiled, deferred existence and they come together to make a whole, what are we creating other than a very cohesive landfill? You may truly value a sense of community. You may believe that it actually is for the greater good to be selfless for the betterment of your loved ones.
However, if you and everyone else in this group are broken and depleted as a result of the group, is the group really helpful towards the ultimate goal of community? Here are some more specific ways you can move forward towards healing and wholeness:
Step one: Check your obligations
Ask yourself, “What are the things that I’m doing that I automatically assume I have to do?” Look at each thing and ask yourself, your therapist, a trusted healthy individual or even research. Do I need to answer every phone call? Do I have to respond to every text message? Do I need to go to that meet-up?
Do I need to respond to every email immediately? I regularly tell my therapy clients, “no, you don’t have to,” and chances are, if we were in session together, right now, I would tell you the same thing. I am sure the response has already arisen in your mind of “No, but you don’t understand my situation, you don’t know my family/boss/partner, etc.” What I will say is that your situation is unique, but the pattern is not.
The world is not going to implode if you let that call go to voicemail, or leave that text on read, mark that email as unread. It may feel like the world will end. An abusive parent, boss, ex, or partner may threaten you to make you feel this way, but it is factually not true. Also, usually, people who sincerely love you would never want you to feel forced in doing anything for them. Realizing this, and starting to face your fears, is the first step towards freedom from the captivity of obligation.
Step two: Practice being okay with not being liked or praised.
What you have to understand is that you are going after your freedom. You’ve been living in a sort of mental prison. Your freedom has been the price you have been paying to have “peace”, although you likely still encounter a lot of judgment and criticism even though you’ve been working hard to provide the group with what it demands. To move forward, you are going to have to learn how to be OK with people complaining about you or talking about conflicts with you in a way that is going to make you out to be the “bad guy”, even though all you are trying to do is live a life that is more in line with your health and your needs. There is a good chance this is going to feel devastating and very dysregulating. It is important to keep in mind that while this is a price to pay for your health and freedom, chances are, you are reading this article and have made it this far because the price you are currently paying to avoid conflict is too high.
You are likely experiencing some kind of indication that you just can’t take it anymore, or you will not be able to take it much longer with things going the way they have been. Maybe you are experiencing a depressive episode, or are now having panic attacks. Your warning might be an increase in compulsive or addictive behaviors. It is important to understand that pushback or disapproval from others is a much smaller price to pay than your life or your sanity. You will be amazed at the quality of life you can enjoy without the taxing weight of obligations and worries about the thoughts and reactions of others. Furthermore, if you are feeling selfish and feel that you are turning your back on those you love most, please understand that by each individual getting healthier, starting with you, each person then has increased capacity because of shedding all of these obligations. This also improves the group overall by removing the toxic energy that has historically proliferated through the community.
Step three: Practice sitting with those uncomfortable emotions
Of course, this idea of accepting the terrible feeling of judgment or rejection is easier said than done. Often, we are uncomfortable with the emotions that stem from being in conflict with others. Yet, we can learn to be able to withstand this with practice. One way to do this is by learning to sit with these feelings of discomfort through mediation. With the routine of a one-minute daily meditation, you allow yourself to observe your feelings. Over time, this removes the potency of these feelings and their control over you by learning to deal with them a little at a time, and over time, you’ll find that these uncomfortable emotions no longer have as powerful a hold over you. This helps you be and feel freer and act in ways that are better aligned with your goals.
Bonus: Use our Guidebook to reduce your triggers
At the root of the issues outlined in this blog are the ways we think about things and see ourselves.
While meditating and taking steps to meet your needs will help, perhaps you might feel that you need more help in order to make changes that stick. At Forward Ethos, we have seen this time and time again over thousands of therapy sessions with clients across the United States.
We have taken the techniques, tools, and skills that have transformed our clients’ lives since 2018 and distilled them into a powerful journal that will change your life in as little as 20 days. It also targets illnesses that stem from our thinking, such as anxiety and depression.
Whether or not you suffer from anxiety or depression, our guidebook can help you rewrite your thought patterns in as little as 20 days. Head over to Amazon to purchase your copy now and get on the path to moving forward, ASAP.